When I'm with the people I love, I feel somehow incomplete. This feeling is hard to shake when all of them are either attached or married. It doesn't help when friends tease me & especially when old ladies are asking dumb rhetorical questions or trying to matchmake me.
I'm nice to them & I entertain their good intentions but it doesn't help my self-esteem. What kind of a pathetic messed up dumbass needs the help of old grandmothers to get a girl?
My excuse is work & I'm really isolated. Time sure flies by when you're far away on some isolated island. Working hard to distract yourself. Getting exhausted so that at the end of the night, I won't have time to think too much or feel the cold darkness of the night. I love what I'm doing & I don't mind being where I am... but sometimes I just wish I had someone to share it with.
I'm not into second wives or extramarital relationships or divorces. Imbecilic bastardos & insecure nimrods do that. One woman is all I need. Then again, she has to be a great one. Someone who is my equal or maybe more. She's not just the bearer of my children. She fully complements me. I'll know her when I meet her. Then, I'll put a ring on it. Until then, there will be more of... this.
I believe in God & I believe God will provide for me. I am terrified that it'll be years before I actually find her or maybe worse... What if it was never meant to be? Do I have to carry this burden for the rest of my life?
sigh... Let your will be done, oh Lord. You know what's best.
Have mercy on me.